CY@CY Says Welcome to my dreamscape. Where a Lim is also a Ling.
It has been said that relationships are like the tides: they ebb and flow. It’s bliss when the tide is high. But what happens when that tide starts to ebb?
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on. It is good advice: before you throw in the towel, hang on and try harder to change. It always takes two to tango. When something goes wrong in a relationship, BOTH parties are guilty to varying extent. Both parties need to re-examine themselves and be honest to admit their shortcomings.
Before you abandon any relationship, look for the “knots” that might save you from rashly allowing a great relationship going sour. The problem is that people tend to overemphasize the negative and under-appreciate the positive.
Knots and tangles
In a marriage, a couple ties a knot together by walking down the aisle. Knots that are tied in a hurry may get looser and looser over time. Knots that are tied with great care may last forever. Relationships that are tied in great haste will eventually come loose. But they can be fixed. It only requires constant checking and some efforts to readjust the knots.
In any relationship, success boils down to a few simple, yet critical, mind shifts in wooing knots and tangles back to their native beauty. We tend to focus on what’s wrong instead of what’s possible. Try to see a tangle as an opportunity to grow the relationship. Shift anger or frustration to self-examination and see what changes are needed in your own self first. Try to communicate better with the other party and show that you really care.
Some people pursue perfection but in relationships, this may result in straining relationships. Impossibly high standards can make an excellent partner seem average.
Examine yourself for negativity bias which is a tendency to focus on the bad or negative aspects of a relationship and ignoring all the positive aspects. Negativity bias does a lot of harm to relationships so be aware of it.
Don’t forget all the good stuff that is running smoothly. Often when a relationship is going well, it doesn’t register. But once some problems appear, these problems capture your attention and make you lose sight of all the good stuffs. Sometimes we inflate small problems into bigger ones. And things then start getting out of hand. A tiny molehill becomes an intimidating Mount Everest!
Strive to stop being overly-critical of your relationship. Make the effort to recalibrate and separate the minor issues from real problems. Find the knots, the parts of your relationship you’ve been taking for granted that will help you hold on. When you find the knots and know how to appreciate them, you will realize there are a lot more reasons to happily hold onto your relationship than you thought.
I leave you with these few quotations that I believe will help you if you choose to embrace them:
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person (Henri Frederic Amiel).
Forgiveness is the oil of all relationships (Anonymous).
Deep in your wounds are seeds, waiting to grow beautiful flowers (Alan Watts).